Thirty Something London

We Don’t Need to be Amazing to Get a Date – But Our Texting Skills Do

guy and girl texting dating badoo

How did it come to this? By THIS I mean having to sell myself to EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON I speak to online these days no matter whether we have a connection or not. Before I’ve even sent this person a message I need to study their profile in the hope that the ice-breaker I send is quirky enough to get a reply….. But not too quirky that I sound like a weirdo….. Or mention too much about their profile that I sound like a stalker…… Or too long that they don’t want to read it….. Or too late that I seem like a creep……. Or copy and paste something I’ve sent to fifty other women…… Or just go for broke and send a photo of my penis.

How did dating come to this?

I used to think I was a real catch, but now I’m competing with so many other men for the same women that it made me realise that none of us really need to be that amazing anymore to get that first date, we just need to have the “gift of the gab” when it comes to texting. And it just doesn’t feel right.

Let’s Talk About Text

I’m not a massive fan of texting. I never have been. I just don’t have the time to sit there for hours messaging back and forth with “LOL’s” and monkey emojis as we try to decipher whether we actually like each other or not or are just bored whilst watching Love Island. In fact, I  have never actually sent an emoji in my entire life and still can’t bring myself to doing it – even in this day and age.

But it’s more than just the “text speak”.  There are the time stamps. I’ve been yelled at via text before because I hadn’t responded immediately after seeing their text even though I’d explained that they’d sent it whilst I was right in the middle of something. Heaven forbid I actually have something else on in my life besides being at someone’s beck and call.

And, if it’s not the time stamps it’s the fact that the tone of messages can be misconstrued. I somehow find myself arguing with somebody before I’ve even had the chance to meet them in person. “What do you mean by “haha”? Are you laughing at me? Am I some sort of joke?” Yes, that actually happened from a girl I knew online for about an hour. Seriously.

Surely we should reserve our judgement for people after we’ve met them physically, not on their texting skills?

In The Flesh

But, that’s just it – they’re skills. Those of us that are much better at speaking to someone in person might not have that skill set  when it comes to texting or emailing and in this digital age it can be really tough to break through that crowd if it’s something you’re not comfortable with.

After I’d finished a long-term relationship the first dating app I used was Badoo. I remember sending the first few texts and getting absolutely nothing back thinking “is it me? Is it my profile? Is my photo really that bad?” and of course I’d realised pretty quickly that I needed a lot more than a message saying “hey” to get someone to respond. It didn’t matter how amazing I was, it was about how amazing my texting skills were.

In fact, there are now courses you can take by various online dating sites and pickup artists alike that can teach you how to text women in order to get a date. As much as I can’t believe that we’ve arrived at this point, it just totally makes sense.

Changing The Landscape….. Sort of

Dating apps and sites have completely changed the landscape in which we meet people and Badoo was definitely one of the biggest trailblazers in the digital dating world. I found myself on Badoo a lot more than I expected and it was such a great app to slowly blood me into this world of digital dating and I can’t recommend it highly enough.

And, although the landscape has changed when it comes to getting a date – the digital side of things can never replace a real relationship. We’re not robots (yet) so even if the texting thing isn’t working out that well – don’t worry, you can still go out there and meet someone amazing organically……. As crazy as it sounds.

STOP! If you feel like somebody you know can relate to this please share it on Facebook and Twitter using the buttons. Thanks for reading as always. Jordi.

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