Thirty Something London

Torture Garden Boat Party

I think of myself as a man of the world. I have experienced a lot in my 31 young years. There’s the time I had a gun pulled on me at an underground Russian strip club in Aleppo, Syria. Then there’s the time I slept on the street in Spain in a cardboard box that happened to be filled with dog shit (I obviously found that out the hard way the morning after). Or there’s the time I was strip searched on a train in Munich. My point is that we only live once and life’s about experiences, right?

Anyway, going to a fetish party is something I’ve always wanted to do, but never really been in the right situation to finally pull my finger out and go. I was determined that in my quest to do everything London has to offer that this was the year that I would make it happen.

Torture Garden

The name Torture Garden is synonymous with the fetish world. It was formed over 20 years ago and has grown into a juggernaut with clubs and regular events springing up worldwide. When I heard about the Torture Garden Boat Party at the HMS President on The Thames, I knew this was “the one”.

A fetish party on a boat, how could you not be excited?

The Boat Party

The dress code for the event was very strict. This is what’s stated on their website;

Enforced Fantasy Dress Code (Full Costumes Only!):
Fetish, Body Art, Burlesque, Berlin Kabaret, Drag, Medical, Militaria, Uniform, Moulin Rouge, Venice Carnival, Circus Freakshow, Steam Punk, Top Hat & Tails

No Casual Streetwear / No Jeans / No Camo / No Cotton T-shirts or Underpants / No Cheap Fancy Dress Copies!

No Refund if Not in Dress Code!

So, certainly not something for the “smart casual” crowd. There is also an enforced rule of “no cameras or camera phones” to keep everything as discreet as possible, which makes complete sense once you’re inside.

My idea was to go as a gladiator covered head to toe in gold paint. Thank god my amazing friends weren’t put off by the idea of having to rub paint all over my almost naked body.

Golden Gladiator

Golden Gladiator 2










We walk in. Naturally, there is a lot of latex and a lot of chains. What surprises me the most though is that there are a lot of couples, but that’s due to ignorance being my first fetish party. When you come to think about it, it makes a lot of sense that there will be a lot of couples that are into the fetish scene.

Straight to the bar we go and order 2 shots each. We keep our cool, get our bearings and quickly realise we’re not in Kansas anymore. We head out on the deck and speak to the photographer who mentions that the party is a little tame. We didn’t know any different so we head to the different sections of the boat and take everything in.

The night was picking up as we go for a boogie and watch some of the cool performances which were brilliant.

We head down to the “dark” room where most of the crowd had gathered and pull up a seat. It was quite tame apart from the odd spanking. But the night was relatively young.

I don’t want to give too much away but as the night wore on, the dark room got a little more heated and wasn’t really a place for the faint hearted. I started chatting to a stunning half Swedish half Chilean girl dressed in a red latex air hostess outfit who offered to give me a massage. Naturally I said yes.  Any doubts lingering about whether I still had “it” took a huge leap into The Thames.

One of the most surreal moments of my life was laying there being massaged by this beautiful woman whilst no more than 10 feet away a latex clad couple were expressing their love extremely physically. Something I’ll probably explain to a therapist one day.

The lights quickly come on and security starts to move everybody out. They are nice enough to let a few people finish what they’re doing though.

I say goodbye to my lovely Swedish masseuse and we go and wait for our taxi.

Torture Garden was certainly an experience and not one to go to if you’re just going to sit on the side or be easily offended. But, if you’re willing to embrace something new and different, why not?

Would I go again? Absolutely.

STOP! Don’t forget to share my experience via Facebook or twitter below. Thanks, Jordi.



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