The 6 Stages of Sleeping With Your Flatmate
Having just moved to Italy I needed a place to live. Fast. After searching high and low I’d finally found a beautiful apartment in the centre Florence….. To share with 4 other people. But, hey – I was in a new city and didn’t know anybody. This was exactly what I needed. I walk through to the kitchen to meet my potential flatmates for the interview.
AND THERE SHE WAS.
Beautiful. Confident. Seductive.
It was inevitable that we were going to sleep together. It was as if we were in some cheesy rom-com where everything else faded into the background and we were the only 2 people in the room. The raw lust that we both felt instantly filled the room and I knew I was in trouble.
So, here are my 6 stages to sleeping with your flatmate.
1. The “Anticipation” Stage
IT’S FUN! The anticipation is almost better than actually doing the deed. The throwaway glances, the excuses to cook together…… The accidental walks into the bathroom whilst they’re showering. All harmless fun. It’s that build up that makes us incredibly excited to rush home and see them. But, this just makes you want each other more.
2. The “We Really Shouldn’t” Stage
You’re on the verge now, it’s almost inevitable. You both have the chat about “we need to think about the others” and “we really shouldn’t because we live together”. If you asked a magic 8 ball whether sleeping together is a good idea it would certainly come back with “all signs point to NO”. But hey, there’s no fun in being good, right?
3. The “Oh My God, Why Did We Wait So Long” Stage?
The undeniable passion whilst ripping each other’s clothes off couldn’t be any more intense if you tried. Those “we really shouldn’t be doing this” comments pop up periodically between kissing and getting naked. The sweat, the urgency, the ecstasy, the WOW! The sparking up a joint afterwards.
The hope your other flatmates didn’t hear anything.
4. The “Aftermath” Stage
So far so good. You continue to sleep together for a month or so with no real commitment involved. It is purely physical and such a great convenience to you both knowing that sex is available pretty-much whenever you want it with minimal effort.
5. The “Reality Bites” Stage
You now have to deal with your flatmates telling you what a bad idea it is. Having to think about the rest of the house as well as your sex drive is completely understandable. It sucks, but that’s just the way it is. You have to live with these people. You’ll now be expected to side with the person you’re sleeping with during flat meetings. And forget about bringing someone else home – that’s totally out of the question now. Reality starts to sink in that this was just a fling….. And that fling has flung.
6. The “End” Stage
Most of the time it’s going to end badly. That’s life. One of you will lose interest and what was once a “bit of fun” has become something more to the other person. The dynamics within the flat have completely changed and it’s probably best you put an end to it before it gets any worse. It’s going to be incredibly awkward at first. Don’t expect to speak to each other that often as those once cute glances at each other become awkward silences. Cooking together is replaced by waiting for them to finish in the kitchen as you try to avoid them at all costs. You’ve also managed to divide the other flatmates in the house as people have now taken sides and the living situation becomes more and more tense leading to one of you having to move out. All of this culminates in the eternal question….
So, was it all worth it?
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