Thirty Something London

What Happens When They Say They’re Not Looking For Anything Serious?

Not looking for anything serious commitment issues

What Happens When They Say They’re Not Looking For Anything Serious?

Sometimes it just works.

You both laugh at The Inbetweeners.

You both love The Shawshank Redemption.

You both unashamedly listen to……..Ummmmm……. One Direction?

You both constantly want to rip each other’s clothes off like a pair of velociraptors.

Sometimes it just works.

So, despite everything falling into place, what happens when they make it quite clear that they’re not looking for anything serious?

The Story

We’d gone on a handful of dates over the course of about a month. She was great. I don’t have a bad word to say about her.

Me

I wasn’t ready for anything serious. After going through a drawn-out breakup and finally clawing my way back to a place where I could go on dates and not think about her anymore, I knew that my heart wasn’t really into anything long-term. It was just nice to find somebody new I could hang out with, have cool conversations with and just enjoy life!

Her

She wanted more. She wanted to drop everything and commit to something, something that I knew I couldn’t give her. As clear as I’d made it that I wasn’t looking for anything long-term she was equally as up front about wanting a relationship.This was a road block.

Me

I was completely open and up front. Without sounding annoyingly cliché it wasn’t her, it was me. I told her the situation very early on, so it wasn’t as if I’d lied to her to get her into bed and then dumped her by making up some story about commitment issues.

Her

She completely understood…. At first. There was no grey area after we’d had the initial conversation about what we’re looking for. All her responses were “cool, let’s just see what happens” and “I totally see where you’re coming from”.

Me

I felt really good about being so open and honest. How could I not be? I wasn’t hiding anything and we were just living in the “now”.

Her

She started to change slightly. Subtle phrases like “we should just go for it” and “who cares if it doesn’t work – at least we gave it a go, right?” started to creep in. She was testing the waters and I wasn’t ready to dive in.

All of a sudden something that had started off so fancy-free was slowly turning into something a little more serious in her eyes.

Me

I started to feel like the bad guy. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I knew that continuing down this road was only ever going to end ugly. I had to stop it.

Her

“We have something great, don’t you see that?”. She was right – we did. The fancy-free thing we had was great. What she didn’t see on the horizon was that we never would have lasted longer than a couple of months.

Me

My heart belonged to somebody else. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I couldn’t. If I had committed to her I would have immediately regretted it. It was nothing to do with her and everything to do with me.

Her

She couldn’t understand why I’d “throw this away”. She thought I was making a huge mistake that I’d always look back on with regret. She thought she could change my mind.

She couldn’t.

Me

It was the right thing to do. I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.
A lot of people talk about commitment issues and the timing being right. I have no issues with commitment whatsoever, but sometimes you just know whether you’re ready or not to take that plunge with somebody.

So many people date to “find love” and that’s great. We’re all different though and not every date you go on will have a focus on finding “the one”. If somebody is genuinely not looking for anything serious, you have to respect the circumstances and that you might not be able to change that.

Just give them their space and let them go off and do what they want. It’s their risk that you won’t be around anymore if they do find themselves ready to be with you in the future, but you need to live your life too and not wait around for somebody who can’t commit to you.

STOP! If you feel like somebody you know can relate to this please share it on Facebook and Twitter using the buttons. Thanks for reading as always. Jordi.

 

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