“Meet singles just like Helen” reads the ad for an online dating site whilst showing a photo of a beautiful blonde, bleach-toothed woman in her early thirties.
It was the thought of Helen actually existing that made 29 year-old singleton Richard’s imagination go into overdrive. The Bethnal Green native had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and had never done online dating before and the beautiful Helen looked right up his alley.
“I’m just really hoping the £20 a month subscription will lead to me meeting Helen, she looks just like my type” proclaimed Richard whilst scrolling through pages of women as if he’s on eBay looking for a t-shirt.
And why Helen in particular? “I don’t know. Some people you just click with as soon as you see them and as soon as I saw her I just knew we’d get along. All I need is a chance to actually meet her in person so I can show her that it’s meant to be” answers Richard.
We ask Richard if he’s a little sceptical about whether he thinks she actually exists. “Look, the dating site has to get her name and photo from somewhere, right? Why would they pay a model when they can find someone genuine like Helen on their website and not have to pay a penny?” Richard explains whilst still scrolling around pages of blonde women in their early thirties.
And what if Richard doesn’t find her, will that mean that his online dating experience has been a complete failure? “That woman is on here somewhere, I just know it. I just know my determination will pay off in the end and we’ll be a couple. A lot of people say online dating’s full of creeps, but I don’t know what they’re talking about – it all seems fine to me” concludes Richard.
Well, Richard we wish you nothing but the best of luck!
Don’t forget, this is satire and totally written to laugh at ourselves and the kinds of colourful personalities we deal with when dating. It’s not written to offend anyone. If you did laugh and can relate – don’t forget to share it on Facebook and Twitter using the share buttons. Thanks for reading as always, Jordi.