Thirty Something London

Giving Up the Fight

They say that if something’s worth fighting for then you should fight for it. Boy, is she worth it to me. And boy, did I fight. Emotionally I feel like I’ve gone 10 rounds with Muhammad Ali.

When I say fight I don’t mean calling her everyday and crying “tell me what you want and I’ll do it?” Or waiting out the front of her flat throwing pebbles at her window singing “Everything I do I do it for you” with cats screeching in the background. By fighting, I mean just being understanding, but still making it clear how I felt. Don’t get me wrong, I still let my heart get the better of me sometimes and probably put myself out there more than I should have.

You see, I’m a fighter (think Rocky Balboa meets Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai in the first Karate Kid). But sometimes you need to know when giving up the fight is the only way you can move forward. And for the time being, I’m giving up the fight.

My friends all cheered with relief when I announced it. It was almost as if I’d organised a press conference and leaned into a bunch of microphones reluctantly saying, “it’s over”. Some of them pulled out party whistles and threw streamers around when the announcement came. I’m sure one of them even put “I’m Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves on in the background. (You know you want to click on the link).

Why I Fought For So Long

Ok, so all your friends will tell you to forget about them, it’s their loss and blah blah blah. They mean well, and a lot of the time let’s be honest, they’re probably right – you should just let it go.

One of the problems after a breakup is that you’re almost forced at knife-point to suppress your feelings. You have to stop feeling anything towards that person as soon as possible so not to let it drag on.

But not me. Oh no.

I felt that because it’s so rare to fall in love – that you should hold onto that feeling for as long as possible. Come on, how do you know if you’ll ever feel it again with such purity? Slightly deluded? Maybe. Regrets. None. Why do we have to do what society dictates all the time? (I’m a rebel – I drink milk from the carton too, you know. ANARCHY!).

Why It’s Important To Let Go……. Eventually

Sure, I would prefer to be giving up the fight with a different outcome, but I have no time to dwell on it. Had we gotten back together, I’m sure we would have lasted 2 weeks before she’d finish it again. The timing definitely isn’t right.

By accepting and acknowledging it, it’s now become accountable. My friends don’t have to treat me like some sort of Hulk-like creature, exploding into an emotional green monster every time her name gets mentioned. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of her with someone else still stings like Mike Tyson biting my ear whilst punching me in the balls at the same time. But what can I do? It’s not my place anymore.

I also knew early on that the breakup was the best thing for us as individuals. Neither us wanted a relationship where we’d end up resenting each other (something that’s all too common these days when 2 ambitious people are together). I take a lot of comfort in this.

So, ummmmmm. What Now?

Wait for Jessica Alba to call whilst listening to Katrina and the Waves I guess.

STOP! Don’t forget to share this via Facebook and Twitter below. Thanks, Jordi.


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