I know what you’re thinking, “He’s just writing this to blow his own trumpet”. To a degree, you’re right. I mean, which guy hasn’t dreamt about getting hit on by a flight attendant? I know I did, regularly. Every time I flew, in fact. That was before it actually happened.
I was flying to Thailand last month to spend a week with some of my best friends. I’d completed the 12 hour London to Bangkok leg and was now ready for the 90 minute home stretch to Koh Samui.
Upon showing my boarding pass to the attractive flight attendant in her mid twenties, I get an overzealous flash of the pearly whites and the mandatory idiot proof directions to my seat. I take my aisle seat next to a stereotypical old couple (I always sit in the aisle for the extra leg room and the easy access to the toilet. I also somehow manage to always sit next to a stereotypical old couple for some reason).
Just after we take off, with the fasten your seatbelt sign still lit, the flight attendant from earlier comes over to me and asks, “can I get you anything to drink?”.
Now, I’m halfway up the plane and she hasn’t asked anybody else if they’d like anything. The old couple glare at me. A middle-aged man on the other side of the aisle curiously looks at me.
“I’m ok” I coolly reply.
“Well, you let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with?”, she asks.
I know straight away she’s hitting on me. I can also feel the stares of the passengers around me making me feel slightly awkward. “If it continues like this, it’s going to be a long flight – especially if she wants me to join the “Mile High Club“, I think to myself as the middle-aged man looks at me whilst shaking his head.
The next thing I know, a male flight attendant comes up to me and asks if I’d like a deck of cards.
“Sure, why not”, I say.
“They’re actually from her”, he says as he points to the female flight attendant.
She in hand promptly waves at me smiling. I wave back and burst out laughing at the enormity of the situation.
As if I wasn’t frowned upon enough by my fellow passengers, the old couple next to me ask for a deck of cards for themselves at which point the male flight attendant responds, “I’m sorry we only have one deck, and it’s for him”.
I now feel guilty and force myself to play with the cards as so the old couple doesn’t think the deck is being wasted on me. Whilst shuffling the deck, I noticed that the flight attendant had awkwardly plastered her phone number on the Queen of Hearts.Classy. It was by far the most non therapeutic game of solitaire I’ve ever played in my life.
The rest of the flight runs pretty smoothly (whilst awkwardly playing 4 games of solitaire on the tray table). Smoothly that is until it’s time to disembark the aircraft.
With the middle-aged man in front of me and the old couple walking behind me as we leave, the female flight attendant comes up to me at the exit. Very indiscreetly, and about 1 centimetre from my ear she asks “So, I’ll see you later, then”?
On any other day, I probably would have flirted back, but I was tired and no doubt smelt like a leather watch strap. I just wanted to get to the hotel at this point.
“Yeah, I don’t think so”, I respond and start to walk away.
She then shouts as I’m about 3 metres away now, “I put my number in the deck of cards for you to call me later”.
Everybody turns to look at both her and then me. If there was a hole to crawl into and die, I would have dived right in, head first.
I sarcastically smile back and say, “ok, thanks”, and keep walking. What else was I supposed to do?
I head over to the carousel to collect my baggage and stand next the old couple. They look at me with a sense of disappointment, as if I’m their grandson and have just been caught stealing a copy of “Jugs” from the local newsagent. I’m tempted to give them the deck of cards, but decide they’ll make a great souvenir instead. Come on, it’s not everyday you get hit on by a flight attendant. Right?
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Photo courtesy of pinstripemag.com.