Thirty Something London

Getting Back Into Dating After a Breakup – Are We Ever Ready?

Spike Notting Hill T shirt dating

It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at home watching Hootie and the Blowfish’s “I Only Wanna be With You” film clip on Youtube whilst eating nothing but cheese. I’ve been single for about 2 months. This is what my life’s come to.

Man in the Mirror

I walk passed the mirror (cheese in hand, god knows where I was taking it) and thought to myself “maybe it’s time….. Maybe it’s time you started dating again.” But……. Is there ever a RIGHT time to get back into it? Are we ever READY? Do we just have to thrust ourselves back into the infinite abyss that is today’s dating pool regardless of whether we’re “ready” or not? But, this isn’t The Fugees – and I’m not Lauren f*cking Hill.

Ready Or Not

I’m not ready. I know I’m not. I’ve had friends try to set me up with amazing women that I know I’d get along with. I’ve met really cool women out and about that would be great company. I’ve had colleagues hit on me and dating apps/sites beg me to use them free of charge in the hope of setting me up with the “love of my life”. But, the thought of spending a few hours with someone at the moment makes me exhausted just thinking about it. Pffffffff.

But….. What If…..

My friends start hassling me with bollocks like “what if the one is out there and the opportunity passes you by because you’re too busy? Huh?” Their hearts in the right place….. But I’m not fussed. I know that when I’m ready I’ll make the effort because I want to, but more importantly, IF I want to. Who says we have to date at all? I’m incredibly happily single and I know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So, What Now?

Well…. Nothing, I guess. I came out of an amazing relationship with an amazing person (but that’s a story for another time) so I’m not in any real hurry to try and “ready” myself for someone else. I think the time after a breakup should just be enjoyed to be spent by ourselves figuring out what it’s like to just focus on one person for a change, as it’s probably been a while for most of us.

My advice is this…..

If you don’t think you’re ready, don’t feel the need to go out with someone for the sake of it or have any “practice” dates. F*ck that. Our friends are amazing, but sometimes their advice is absolutely terrible – some of the worst I’ve ever had. Sure, we don’t have to wait until our ex is completely out of our mind (that would be impossible – seriously), but staying on the dating conveyor belt without taking a break probably isn’t the best thing either.

There are always going to be great people out there (trust me, they do exist), so don’t feel a fear of loss by not jumping straight back into it. There’s never really going to be a “right” time to get back into the dating game, but time is definitely something you should take – so enjoy that single life! I mean, hey, will we have the chance to stay home, eating cheese and watching Hootie and the Blowfish videos when we’re in a relationship? Probably. But, maybe just not as much.

 

STOP! If you laughed – you should share, especially to someone who has just gone through a breakup! Thanks for reading as always. Jordi.


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