Thirty Something London

Dealing With a Blast From the Past

They’re like vultures hovering, waiting for you to become single again as so they can swoop in and give you that shoulder to cry on you need so badly.

They’re not just offering a shoulder, there’s an ulterior motive. In the words of the immortal genius that is *N SYNC, they “Want You Back!”.

She Knows

Of course she knows. The private message comes through on Facebook almost as quickly as my relationship came to an abrupt hault. I know she knows. She knows I know.

I have to be really careful when dealing with a blast from the past. Although nothing has happened between the 2 of us for a long time, there is still history there. This means emotions. Yuck! Oooooooooooooo. Gross. Blah.

I don’t open the message straight away. I ponder for a while. I consider deleting it without reading it at all. I know this is the last thing I need right now. An ex fling giving me the whole “there there” thing. Yeah, no thanks.

The Message

I open it. It’s written with an underlayer of fake kindness with her telling me how “sorry” she is.

There are all the classic clich├ęs of “she doesn’t know what she’s doing” and “it’s her loss”, yada yada yada. Sure, those are nice things to say, but I’m not buying any of it.

I then get “I’ve been thinking a lot about you recently for some reason.” Give me a break. For some reason? Please. Maybe the fact you know that I’m now single and you thought you’d take a shot? Popping up out of the blue and trying to stir up more emotions isn’t what I need.

She signs off with “you know I’m always here for you”. Of course you are, honey. Of course you are.

I Respond

After a couple of days of sitting on it, I respond shortly and sweetly with a “thanks”, telling her I’m fine. Very generic.

She replies IMMEDIATELY asking if I’d like to go for a coffee and talk about it. Talk about what? Does she think I have nobody in my life that I can open up to? Maybe she can hold my hand in Starbucks and let me know that everything’s going to be ok, time heals all wounds and that I’ll come out stronger on the other side. Where do I sign?

I ponder over it again for a couple of days. Should I reply? Shouldn’t I?

I’m a big believer in letting sleeping dogs lie. I know where she wants to go with this, and it couldn’t be further from what I need. I decide to respond, it’s the least she deserves.

I log in. Go to messages, and there’s a new message…. But not from her. It’s another ex fling asking if I’m ok. Does it never end?


Maybe it’s the familiarity we crave so badly. That sense of not having to get to know somebody all over again. We already know what’s inside the tin, and in this world where we expect things almost instantly, it’s a lot more appealing to have something “ready-made” than go through the process of making something from scratch. Hmmmmmm.

STOP! I know a lot of you can relate to dealing with a blast from the past. So, don’t forget to share this post via Facebook or Twitter via the buttons below. Thanks, Jordi.



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Thirty Something London