It’s always your best friends that know exactly what you need after a breakup. They have a certain way with post break up words like nobody else. You cry your eyes out to them. They have to listen. They’ll take you out, get you ridiculously drunk, slap you a couple of times and finally tell you to get on with it.
What they don’t do is give you all of those “clichè post breakup words of comfort” you don’t need to hear. That of course is reserved for the peripheral friends. You know, the ones that you aren’t that close to. The ones that aren’t comfortable enough to give you any substantial words of advice.
Here are all of the “clichè post breakup words of comfort” I was unlucky enough to hear after my breakup – I’m sure you can all relate to them. Enjoy.
“If it’s meant to be – it’s meant to be”. (Various deep friends)
Really? You think so? That’s so profound of you. I can now carry on with my life using that philosophy for everything I do and just leave it up to the Gods. Thanks.
“You deserve someone so much better”. (Various Friends)
Bloody oath I do! I deserve someone amazing, as we all do…….. Apart from her, she already had someone amazing and let them go. Whore. (Just kidding, I don’t have a bad thing to say about her, “whore” just had a nice ring to it).
“You need to understand that she’s probably shagging someone else”. (Tactful friend)
Wow. When you put it that way, it puts me so much more at ease. Please tell me more about the girl I love being touched by someone else as so I can picture it in detail.
“Jords, don’t get your hopes up. That’s for everything in life as you’ll only be heading for disappointment”. (My mother, bless her, before I had to meet my ex to tie up a few loose ends)
Thanks, mum. I’ll keep it in mind – somewhere near the back.
“All my friends think I’m crazy”. (Her)
That’s great, I agree, but that still doesn’t help my heart from shattering. Why are you telling me this in the first place? It’s not helping.
“You’ll have no problem finding someone else”. (Friend)
Who says I want someone else? I’m certainly not even ready to even think about moving on. Ummmm, thanks.
“There’s plenty more fish in the sea”. (Various wise friends)
I’m not even responding.
“Well, I always knew she was going to leave you sooner rather than later”. (No longer a “friend”)
Gee, thanks. So it’s not her……. It’s me?
“At least you didn’t have a car together or something”. (Highly intelligent friend)
A car? So, not a house? Not a child? A car? Of course, had we had a car together it would have been a much more difficult, drawn out process both emotionally and financially. A car, really?
STOP! I’m sure there were a lot more. But if you can relate these and they made you laugh, don’t forget to share this post on your Facebook and Twitter feeds.