Thirty Something London

Can We Still Be Friends?

So, can we still be friends, or is it better just to cut ties?

Her and I could never be friends.

The biggest thing I miss about her is our friendship. Initially it was the intimacy. Now it’s that ease of having a conversation with her knowing that she gets me and I’m never being judged that I miss. People you can share those types of conversations with are hard to find.

The Past Has Passed

Let’s back up just a little bit.

You need to know that I’m not friends with ANY of my ex-girlfriends. Those that I actually count as ex-girlfriends have all faded away into vague memories of a life we once shared.

Wait, I guess I am Facebook friends with an ex-girlfriend I was seeing in my early 20’s. She recently got married to which I actually sent her a message wishing her the best of luck for the big day.
She responded telling me, “Jords, know that you’ll always be the one that got away. But I was never going to be able to hold onto someone like you. You always wanted more and could never sit still. I sincerely hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for”.
Isn’t that sad? She’d clearly held onto that for a long time. It had been at least 5 years since I’d heard from her. God knows what the others think of me – that’s a Pandora’s Box I never want to open.

My point is that that response alone is enough to answer all of the myths about having too many emotions flying around when it comes to being friends with an ex. All it took was an email from me for her to open up to me like that and make the conversation slightly more awkward.

Which Exes Can We Be Friends With?

I’m a big believer in not being friends with an ex when there were incredibly deep emotions involved. The ones that didn’t really mean much always have that chance of becoming a more platonic relationship.

I tried to have some sort of friendship with her but it got too much for both of us. We never broke up because we didn’t love each other and we still have a huge amount of respect for each other. Although that love has morphed into a different type of love, I still can’t look her in the eye without a sense of what might have been and she can’t look at me without a sense of guilt and pity.

Is that really what either of us want to feel each time we see each other as friends? No. So why should we put ourselves through this misery?

She told me that it’s best we cut all ties as it’s too much for her to deal with, sighting that we need to move on without each other. She’s right, we do. I do.

Conclusion

In my humble opinion, and as hard as it is to do – cut all ties as soon as you can. Even if it’s you who hasn’t made the decision. Don’t drag it out for longer than it needs to. A friendship won’t be salvaged from the remains of your relationship. My breakup feels like an intestine that’s been pulled and pulled out of me for over a year now. It’s completely my fault for thinking that we could still have a relationship in some way, shape or form and even though it was done with the best intentions, it’s been agony.

I don’t know if we’ll ever speak again, but it’s probably for the best. Do I want to meet her next boyfriend (even though he wouldn’t be able to hold a candle to me. I’m awesome)? No. Do I want to know how happy she is without me? No.

There are exceptions to every rule, and I was hoping we might be it. It’s not the case, but so be it. Hey, I don’t want to throw a mug at her head, and she doesn’t want to run me over in the driveway. So, I think that’s a positive.

STOP! If you enjoyed, laughed or can at least relate to this post – you should share it via Facebook or Twitter below! Thanks, Jordi.

 


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