There are many positives of being dumped, but I just want you all to know that I’m writing this with a heavy heart.
So, it was a year ago today that I was unceremoniously dumped. I was so unprepared that I liken it to turning up for a knife fight holding a wooden spoon – I didn’t have a chance. I don’t hold that against her, it’s just the way things turned out.
I don’t want to focus on the actual incident, I felt like a bigger fool than ever – which is no mean feat! Instead, I’d prefer to focus on all of the positives in my life over the past 12 months and how I’ve turned such a negative incident into a platform to getting the most out of life.
The cheesy photos are all “borrowed” from Pinterest.
So, here it goes. I hope it inspires someone.
All those times I ditched my friends on a Saturday night to watch complete bollocks on TV instead of going out no longer exists. I make a huge effort to haul my arse all over London to make sure I’m there for my friends when they need me – as they were there when I needed them the most. Make the effort with those existing friendships as so they become even stronger, but also make yourself approachable to make as many new friendships as possible now that you’re not in a relationship.
One word people always used to describe me was spirited. I never really took much notice of it until I realised that my positive spirit was starting to waver after the break up. Now I have definitely gotten my spirit back and am using it to get the most out of life. Go out and do spirited stuff. Fly a kite, bake a pie, build a Lego model, wear something colourful! Do something stupid that’s going to make you laugh at yourself – I’m the king of this. The pinnacle – waking up with a travel voucher to Lithuania I’d bought in an auction somehow. You see what I mean?
3. Get To Know Yourself Again
Without sounding too wanky, it had been a long time since I was able just to focus on ME. With this, I was able to take a step back and look at the sort of person I was and where my values were. Without sounding too cheesy, we are stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives – so we might as well be someone that we’d actually like to be. Airy fairy enough for you? Good.
4. No More Compromising
If you want to watch a crap movie – do it.
If you want to walk around in your pants for 4 days – do it.
If you want to eat crisps for dinner – do it.
You get the picture.
5. Saving Pennies
Needless to say I don’t have to buy the bulk of the groceries or cover the majority of the bills anymore.
6. You Did The Best That You Could
I walked away without any regrets as to what kind of boyfriend I was. I loved that girl. I wasn’t obsessed, jealous nor had I placed her high on a pedestal. She wasn’t a last resort. She was my love and I worked hard at our relationship to make it work. I never have to die wondering as to what I could have done differently. It obviously wasn’t good enough for her, but I’ll always be proud that I did the best that I could.
7. You didn’t make the decision
They made the decision, so they have to live with that for the rest of their lives. I never have to ask myself whether it was the right or wrong thing to do. 3 days after she left me, I was humble enough to say that she made the right decision. I could see that she needed to figure a lot of things out and needed reassurance, even from me. That was a tough pill to swallow even though I wanted to scream that she was making a huge mistake. I forgive her for what she did – and that’s a positive.
8. Helping those less fortunate
You have more time now – why not put it to good use? I’ve been able to donate my time at shelters and also raise money via events for Crisis, the homeless charity. I’ll also be donating my time over the Christmas period this year as well. You have all of this extra time – do something selfless!
9. Your Life Gets Put Into Perspective
She squeezed my positivity and inspiration out of me like a lemon, taking what she needed and then threw away the rind once she was done. Even a couple of months ago she mentioned that whenever we met up she always left inspired. I said “that’s brilliant, you walk away inspired and I get to walk away heartbroken again”.
Life isn’t fair, but there are always people who have been dealt a worse hand than you. I know it’s cliché, but if this is the worst thing that happens to me over the course of my life – then my life’s going to be even more amazing than it already is.
10. You Found Someone That You Loved Unconditionally
This is big – it doesn’t happen to many people. Think about how many people find love. Like real love.
I lived in a world of bliss with her. I used to wake up early everyday and squeeze her fresh orange juice and make her fresh coffee. I surprised her on her birthday one year by organising a trip to Copenhagen – I planned everything, including her time off from work. People don’t do that everyday. It might not have worked out for whatever reason, but I still consider myself one of the lucky ones. So should you.
11. Retail Therapy
Use it as an excuse to buy yourself some really cool stuff! Calvin Klein pants, Hugo Boss shoes, Nikon cameras, a jumbo tub of Ben and Jerry’s. Things that are just for you and nobody else.
12. The future
You have your whole life ahead of you – that in itself is a pretty positive and motivating thing. I believe that moving on’s the easy part, not necessarily finding somebody else, but with your life in general whether it be career or outside. It’s the “getting over it” that might never quite happen. There’ll always be feelings, memories and pain buried somewhere. But it’s all there for a reason – even if we don’t know what that is yet. You’ll be stronger for this experience.
For this I wrote the note below in my trusty Moleskin the day it happened. Sorry about the crudeness, but sometimes you need it to really drum something into your head.
I hope you liked the post. As always, I ask you to share (especially this one) on Facebook and Twitter as so to inspire someone. Thanks, Jords.