Dating sucks! I mean, really sucks.
Every time I go on a date I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience watching myself go through that pain of having to go through the same thing all over again. It’s gotten to the point where I’d rather do anything else but go on a date. For example, I would rather…..Hmmmmm….. I would rather watch all the Police Academy movies back to back. I would rather wait for hours by the stage entrance of the Apollo Theatre hoping for the cast of “Wicked” to sign my program. Anyway, you get the picture.
For this I thought it would be funny to go through the 10 things I hate about dating.
1. You Can’t Just Get Up and Leave
You kind of know within the first few minutes whether you want to see somebody again. I’d love to save time and money by telling them brutally that I’m not interested instead of smiling and nodding whilst they show me pictures of their cat playing with a ball of yarn.
2. The Awkwardness When The Date Finishes
So, the date’s finished. You know you’re not going to see them again, but they say, “so, should I give you a call?” I always say “I’m not going to lie, this isn’t going to work out”. Which brings me to my next point……..
3. The Truth Hurts
I never “blow smoke up anyone’s arse” as they say. Honesty’s the best policy and one of the first things I say to someone is “I’m not looking for anything serious”. This isn’t because I want to sleep with them, it’s more because I don’t want them to get the wrong idea. They look at me like I’m crazy when I explain this, but, surely they’d prefer I’d be honest, right? Answers on a postcard.
4. It’s Expensive For a Guy
I’m all for chivalry. Pulling the chair out, opening the door, giving her the last Minstrel – no problem. As the guy is expected to pay, which again I have no problem with whatsoever, it can start to get expensive for us. I was speaking to a friend recently who mentioned she only does internet dating so that she can eat for free. She’s obviously in the minority, I know, but if we’re going on a date a week and spending say, £50 – that’s £2600 a year…. On dating!
5. Picking the Right Place For the Right Person
You can tell a lot about a person by the place they pick – the pressure’s on. I went on a 2nd date recently where the girl suggested we go to the cinema or The Tate. I mean, really? Come on, maybe if we’d been in a relationship…. Or I’d had my testicles removed recently. Needless to say we never went there. Too picky? Maybe. But that’s also why I like to choose the place. Oh, and don’t choose The Shard, it’s not romantic or original.
6. Deciding What to Wear
I always believe that it’s better to over dress rather than under dress. Obviously, this can’t always apply – if you’re going to a gig a suit doesn’t really work. It’s harder for a guy, as I believe we’re judged a little more by girls in the fashion department compared to how guys judge girls. A girl’s opinion will generally be honest and sincere when asked, a guy on the other hand will say “that looks great” just to hurry them up. And shoes! Shoes is a big one. Why are we so unbelievably judged on our choice of footwear?
7. The Follow up
The texts arrive. “I’m deciding what to have for dinner, LOL”, “watching XFactor, LOL”. I. Don’t. Care. If they’re actually laughing out loud at either of those things, I’d be seriously worried that they have mental issues.
8. Being Set Up
The problem with being set up by friends is that there’s a certain amount of expectation from all parties. Me, her, the friends. If I don’t like the girl, I get interrogated as to why not. Also, if she’s described as “bubbly” it normally means she’s overweight and if the first thing they mention about her is a “great personality” it generally means she has a face like a train wreck. “Boo” me if you want, but surely we have to be physically attracted to the person too?
9. The Game Playing
Do I text? Don’t I text? Do I respond straight away, or does that seem too keen? I had someone say that they didn’t respond straight away as they wanted to “make me sweat”. Well, it’s needless to say that she never got a second date. Now who’s sweating?
10. Receiving a Facebook Friend Request Before the Date
Ummmm, so you’d rather judge me based on the drunk photos I posted 5 years ago as opposed to getting to know me organically? At least stalk me without the friend request. Amateurs.
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Pic courtesy of www.genuine-connections.com